WhatsApp University granted Institution of Eminence status

Third big win for trauma therapists after legal recognition of only trauma-informed therapy in 2021 and RBI’s launch of trauma-informed currency in 2022

Ajay Gulzar
4 min readOct 30, 2023
Image Source (Edited by Ajay Gulzar)

NEW DELHI, October 30

In what is being seen as yet another masterstroke, the Union Government decided to grant the Institution of Eminence status to WhatsApp University in a Cabinet meeting chaired by Prime Minister Narendra Modi here on Sunday.

An Empowered Expert Committee led by a licensed trauma therapist had recently recommended the University’s elevation to the esteemed status, citing its landmark contributions to the Indian society.

To celebrate WhatsApp University’s unparalleled role in strengthening India’s unity and integrity, the formal notification will be issued during a grand ceremony on October 31, Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel’s birth anniversary, marked as the National Unity Day. The University’s Chancellor, Mark Zuckerberg, has arrived in the capital to attend the event.

Zuckerberg hailed the decision as a testament to the University’s pivotal role in shaping the fabric of contemporary India. He said the WhatsApp’s story is New India’s story, and the Institution of Eminence status will unshackle the University from the fetters of rules and regulations, enabling unbridled excellence in “research” and “information dissemination”.

A group of subaltern trauma therapists has been credited with orchestrating this watershed moment, drawing attention to the healing power of the WhatsApp University.

Elated after the announcement, the expert committee’s chair said the WhatsApp University is the only trauma-informed educational institution in the world and heals more than a billion Indians every day with its self-validating stories and good morning messages, but the elites were dismissing its content as misinformation just because it did not have a stamp of a real university.

“The elites call WhatsApp forwards fake. They term any kind of information propaganda. Those who learn from WhatsApp are not cringe or dumb. This unwarranted criticism affected the University students’ mental health heavily and led to collective trauma. To resolve this grave crisis, my committee had recommended on the World Mental Health Day on 10th October that the government give proper recognition to the WhatsApp University and declare it as an Institution of Eminence,” the licensed trauma therapist added.

The therapist further stated that despite the Right to Information being a law since 2005, in reality, only bourgeoisie universities had the unquestioned power to make up information, but now with WhatsApp University getting recognition, the subalterns would witness the massive crumbling and slow death of the age-old anti-humanity hegemonies.

The Institution of Eminence tag is the third remarkable victory for trauma therapists in three years. In October, 2021, the Union government had shut down all psychology and psychiatry departments in the country as, in PM Modi’s words, trauma-informed therapy and its practitioners had made the disciplines of psychology and psychiatry useless. Last year, the Reserve Bank of India became the first central bank in the world to launch trauma-informed money that transformed India’s mental health landscape.

As the latest move has encountered resistance from established institutions and Ravish Kumar, insiders suggest that the Cabinet meeting was strategically scheduled on a Sunday to prevent last-minute meddling from the elite clubs, as their members were not present in Delhi after having left for the weekend getaways. According to the Prime Minister’s Office sources, the senior officials feared that the elite clubs’ members would barge into the meeting and attempt coup d’état to prevent recognition to the WhatsApp University.

To derail this initiative, some elite clubs accused the Empowered Expert Committee’s chair, the licensed trauma therapist, of using the term “licensed” without statutory recognition and misleading the students of WhatsApp University. Rebuffing these allegations, the not-actually-licensed trauma therapist compared their own plight to the University’s struggle for validation.

“How could I think of my recognition when a whole university was not recognised? I am a selfless person. My priority was to get the recognition for what nurtures a billion Indians’ mental health. That battle is won, and now I will begin the fight to get a law made for my license,” the trauma therapist declared.

Disclaimer: The news article is a work of satire and parody. The information presented, including quotes and events, is fictitious and does not represent actual occurrences or statements. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. No offence or harm is intended toward any individual, group, or entity.

Read and follow Ajay Gulzar’s mental health policy publication, psytizenship, here.

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Ajay Gulzar

Psychology. Policy. Law. Poetry. LAMP Fellow, 2015–16. Alumnus: JNV, University of Delhi, IIT Bombay.